| Power to my fellow Care Bears.. |
[Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
@ 10:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 high |
] |
| [ |
music |
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woman on Fox News |
] |
Hiding out in my mother's room with mom. Parental Unit F just came in my room, "so are coming back into work", "no", "well thanks for allowing the work to get behind, dont expect to come back". Fine, whatever, like I care. I didnt even want to work there anyways. I was being paid under the table, so I couldnt even put that on any other applications, or I could but that would get my dad in a lot of trouble. Damn Walgreens better contact me.
You know what's weird. When my mom and I were in Tampa this weekend, we didnt even miss parental unit F. In fact, we enjoyed ourselves a great deal without him. Maybe it's a sign.
Arg. So bored. My contacts are evil. They make my eyes look like I've gotten stoned. Oh yes, those contacts are my high drug.
Weird people on yahoo.
OoOoOo I'm thinking about a college in Pensecola or Clearwater..anywhere but here.
|
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| oh the lovely quizzes the internet loves to give us, the human race.. |
[Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
@ 8:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stay Up -Pillar |
] |
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Athena
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Most Like The Season Winter ...
You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is.
Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're
an Angel!
Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did
you always
behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the
hell outta
people with your attitude, but no doubt your church
is real happy
with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the
negative,
after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do
charity work.
Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You
just make the rest
of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the
rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra
cookie or something.
However - congratulations on being the most pure,
of the entire human race.
?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Lightning
?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
|
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| WTF, I need to do something..I need to get out of here |
[Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
@ 7:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A.M. -Pax217 |
] |
I feel like a massive bum without a job! OMG seriously. I had one for almost two years. I just cant sit at home and do nothing. And I need a real job, not the one I had at my dad's work. That place was a massive hole. arg! I feel lost and dependent without a job. I need to save up money, and start thinking about my life. It's so crazy. Last year I was a regular teenager, not a worry in the world. Then this year happened. I have my whole life to plan, to discover, to live. I, myself, need to figure out a way to support myself just in case things go wrong. Overbearing and so exciting. I need to get a couple thousand dollars before the end of my senior year. At least two thousand, just so I can get my feet on the ground when I move out and what not. I just feel like leaving school and jsut working, but that wont do me any good. So this means I have to stop playing around, going to movies, and just doing stuff that cost money. Unless if parental units pay for it, strongly doubt they will.
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| "If you love me you'll do this.." email from Nikki.. |
[Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
@ 9:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Full House theme song..ahh |
] |
If you love me you'll do this...
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Bubbles because your so bubbly and your always having fun.
2. Am I loveable? well duh, of course you are. like how would it be possible for you not to be?
3. How long have you known me? for about five months
4. When and how did we first meet? our first lab in
chem, but we became friends at Oneighty
5. What was your first impression? i thought you were a little weird and really Jesus freakish
6. Do you still think that way about me now? not the Jesus freakish part because now i am too, but the weird part....you made me weird too.
7. What do you think my weakness is? i dont think you have one..
8. Do you think I'll get married? yes and you better invite me cause i have to meet anthony still ;D
9. What makes me happy? Jesus, your friends, books, the Bible, youth, Church...ANTHONY
10. What makes me sad? when things are hard at home
11. What reminds you of me? the word booty from your pin
12. If you could give me anything what would it be? i would give you the gift of knowing that Jesus loves you more and more each day by telling you how much he cares
13. How well do you know me? pretty well after all our cars convos
14. When's the last time you saw me? Yesterday
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? nope ive told ya everything
16. Do you think I could kill someone? i dont know..
17. Describe me in one word. amazing
18. Do you think our friendship is getting
stronger/weaker/or staying the same? stronger
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about
anything and I would listen? yes, we have so much in common so i feel like you would understand
|
|
| Prayer answered within an hour |
[Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
@ 9:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 jubilant |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jesus Freak -DC Talk |
] |
Mom and I went to this one house, well duplex, and I'm ok with that 'cause the house doesnt make the person, what's in your heart makes the person. We went and looked at it, I stayed in the car, my mom went out to look inside, or at least what see could see at 7 at night. I sat in the car and just prayed. I asked God if this was the right choice for this family, if this is what my mom and I need.. I know he answered my prayer.
My mom is usually extremely stressed about everything, and this just makes things ten times worse. WEll, when we got home I got on the computer, of course, and my mom did the same. All of a sudden she comes runnin into her room and says that she feels calm about this divorce and that we will make it over here. She's looking for a job, and so am I. I know she doesnt want me to get one to support the family, and I wont. I'll just get the job to support myself, so she can think about Gabrielle.
|
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| bored... |
[Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
@ 5:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Reaching out -Pillar |
] |
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
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| email I got...post it on your LJ if you want.. |
[Saturday, January 10th, 2004
@ 12:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Crazy Times -Jars of Clay |
] |
Part One: Personal Information
1. NAME: Tiffany VandeSande "The one and only"
2. SEX: female with a touch of pink hottness
3. BIRTHDAY: September 11, 1986..oh yes, turning 18 this year! I get to vote!! Mwhahaha
4. WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Cape Coma Florida
5. HEIGHT: 5'7"
6. SHOE SIZE : 9 with Vans, Converse, my boots, and other nice shoes that arent mean to me, oh and flip flops (my fav!), then 9 1/2 with crap shoes...
7. FIRST CRUSH: well! It was in first grade through fifth grade. Yeah, it was this boy named Tony. He was in all my classes and he went to my church. I told him I was going to marry him..lol mwhah his first name was Anthony, maybe that was a sign? hmmm
8. PARENTS: Rebecca is my birth mother, Robert is my birth father, Kevin is my dad, and Elizabeth is my step bitch..I mean mother
9. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty, I'm not satan..
10. WHATS YOUR SIGN: Virgo..I'm so womanly..hehe
11. WHATS THE FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU: Girl. NO! Teenager. NO! WOMAN! mwhaha. Um, I dunno. First impression is yayness..all up in the yayness.
12. EVER BEEN IN LOVE: si..I am..mwhaha
13. PUPPY LOVE: yeah..lol Tony and Moses in grade school..
14. HAVE A TATTOO: sadly no. I want to get one though. I want one of that really cool star, the punk lookin type of a thingie..or of a cross, you know cause I'm all "yay Jesus!"
Part Two: How do you like your men?
1. BOXERS OR BREIFS: briefie boxers...haha
2. LONG OR SHORT: as in what? hair, wewe, finger nails, nose, pants... jeeze you are so dumb! Hair, short.. wewe, doesnt matter...finger nails, short please..nose, yeah ew...pants, long ones with a lot of zippers!
3. DARK OR BLONDE: I dont care!!!!! Tiffany! yeah that's me! hmm oh wait I do care! Black with hott pink highlights..hehe
4. TALL OR SHORT: DONT CARE!!!! oh wait, yes I do! I dont really care, just so long as it's not a dwarf..yeah a dwarf! those things are so evil looking.. or a fairy... now that's just really short!
5. 6 PAC OR MUSCLAR ARMS: wait, am I supposed to care? hmm..musclar arms..but not the "body building", lumber jack, "I think I'm sexy" kinda arms..6 pac, sure..I like Bud..
6. MR. SENSITVE OR MR. FUNNY: I love me a funny guy, but I also love me a good sensitive mad too..but totally funny is way better..lol yeah!
7. GOOD GUY OR BAD GUY: mmmm a bad boy is soooo good
8. DARK OR LIGHT EYES: death eyes! mwhaha.. I dont care again..
9. HAT OR NO HAT: hat..yes..beanie too..hmm hoodie as well..
10. EARS PEIRCED OR NOT: it's all good..I love 'em both..I really like the pierced ear though..
11. FRECKLES OR NONE: um..I dont pay attention
12. STUBBLE OR NEATLY SHAVED: Both. Stubble is soo hott. Neatly shaved doesnt hurt...hehe
13. RUGGED OR SPORTY: um..goth/rocker/punk..yeah man..with a touch of redneck! love it!
14. ACCENT OR AMERICAN: SOUTHERN!!! LOVE IT!! and the British and Dutch..well not really Dutch, it sounds weird, but I have to give props my Dutch people...
Part Three: Foods
1. CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLTE: hot chocolate all the way. Wait, isn't hott chocolate also milk? jeeze another dumb question!
2. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: well, Burger King compared to McDonalds, however I'm all up in the Wendy's..
3. COKE OR PEPSI: mmmm water
4. ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: OoOo root beer floats are sooo good!
5. TEA OR COFFEE: DUH! Tea! I'm hick, that's what I do..
6. MILK/DARK/WHITE CHOCALATE: white and milk chocolate. Actually, I found out in chemistry that white chocolate isn't really chocolate..it doesnt have choco, and you need choco to make chocolate, hence the "choco" part of chocolate. So yeah. Yeah I learned some thing school! Thanks Komi!
7. VANILLA OR CHOCALATE: so vanilla. You know these survey things really get on my nerves! they are all the same, and ask the same questions over and over and over and over again..just makes me want to shoot my face..haha some girl in my algebra two class said that.."omg, food prep is so dumb, someone shoot my face." yeah greatness..
8. CAKE OR PIE: cheesecake baby! mm and dirt cake, it's so good, no seriously..
Part Four: Pick one
1. MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER: what if your "lover" is your "perfect friend"? jeeze man, think these things through!
2. CATS OR DOGS: KITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **tear** love you Curious!
3. 1 PILLOW OR 2 : I use 13 and a kitten, and a dog..so haha..
4. W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES: ice cubes, cause I'm not French, I'm not weird like that! OoOo "Jesus is just alright" by DC Talk is on..hehe love that song..
5. TOP OR BOTTOM : well, I like to shop for jeans so I'll say bottom..and I'm a girl, so I'll say bottom again
6. WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL: OoOo the "in between" stage of fall and winter, and then all of winter. Not south Florida winter, but north Florida winter..
7. SKIING OR BOARDING: heh..boarding. Wait, you mean on the road? or on the snow? oh well, I still say boarding..yeah
8. BIKING OR BLADING: biking..mmm strawberry milkshake is soo good..
9. ROCK/RAP/R&B/PUNK/ALT/SKA/TECHNO/SWING/COUNTRY: yay rock, punk, alt, ska, swing, country! HEY! WHAT ABOUT CHRISTIAN??? Christian too..
10. NIGHT OR DAY: night so bad..oh yes
11. GLOVES OR MITTENS: gloves...hehe kittens lost their mittens!
12. DRESSED OR UNDRESSED: I am dressed now..undressed in the shower. ewwww there are undressed barbie's in sister's room.. kittie is walking on me!
13. BUNK OR WATER BED: feel the motion of the ocean..
14. MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG: make plans so I dont go insane..well more then I already have..
15. TRUTH OR DARE: since when were we playing this? you are so odd! um..dare?
16. MTV OR VH1: Weather channel..oh well MTV for Viva la Bam and Jackass..that's it though.eww tv..yay I'm TV
17. OCEAN OR POOL: ocean is so much better..but people suck, so pool
18. SHOWERS OR BATHS: I take showers all the time, but I love baths..
19. LOVE OR LUST: love...lust is a waste of time..
20. SILVER OR GOLD: gold, but I have a lot of silver..I love that damn gold though..oOoO the two tone gold..madd sexy.
21. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS: um, diamonds. But I like sapphires way better..
22. PENCIL OR PEN: pencils..I have to, I'm an art freak.
23. SUNRISE OR SUNSETS: OoOoOo both! they are just soo prettyfull
24. BLIND OR DEAF: umm..dead
Part Five: Favorites
1. COLOR: blue, black, red, dark green, Tiffany..yeah I'm a color now..hehe.. tell everyone!
2. NUMBER: 8..oh Dale Jr!
3. SUBJECT: math, chemistry, law studies, history, food, art, um..Tiffany, yeah I'm a subject now...
4. CLOTHING BRAND: Wal Mart, Pac Sun, Hot Topic, um..goodwill..yeah
5. SHOE BRAND: Vans, Converse, **Steven called me while I was typing right here, so I'm back..hehe I talked to Steve and Eric..so funny..grr I wanted to go to the movies!** and Roxy..or whatever i dont care..flip flops so there!
6. SPORT TO PLAY: volleyball, it's a great when you are madd at people..mwhaha stress relief..
7. DRINK: water, tea, water, milk, ice and milk, oj, juices, V8, V8 splash..water..did I mention water?
8. ANIMAL: KITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!
9. HOLIDAY: Wenis Day, Christmas, and my burfday!
10. FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: "when life's got you down, you know what you gotta do? just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming" "No eating here tonight, no eating here tonight, you're on a diiiiet!" Yay Dory! hehe Finding Nemo is so great..
11. BAND: Assembly Required, Tenth Avenue North (me and Amber are the offical stalkers!), Star Saved April, Thousand Foot Krutch, FM Static, Newsboys, Pillar, Relient K, Demon Hunter, Anberlin, Ace Troubleshooter, Switchfoot, Skillet, Kutless, Pax217..damn too many to say..it's a lot..
12. MOVIE: Finding Nemo, Peter Pan (haha Steven!!!), Ghosts in the Darkness (great movie!!!), um..Fastbreak video..hehe
13. PLACE 2 CHILL: KFC, Library..haha Steve, it's our "hang out" places!
14. FLOWER: purple daisies!!
15. PERFUME: Love Spell...the sex smell..oh it's soooooooooo good!
Part Six: Future
1. HOW MANY KIDS:
2. COLLEGE: Southeastern, FSU, UF, USF, PBA, Tiffany University..yeah that's real too..cause I said so!
3. JOB: meteorologist..I really want to do the weather stuff..I love it! Or teaching, mwhaha **beat the little children!** Or working in the church..but mostly meteorologist! oOoOoO!! Or a spiffy toll person, like at bridges and what not..
4a. WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B/F OR G/F LOOK LIKE: looks like a guy, has hair...has penis..cause you know some girls look like guys so yeah, like my mailman/woman/hell beast of death!
4b. HOW DO THEY ACT: like a person
Part Seven: Would you could you? if so; who, what, where, why, how?
1. Move anywhere: Tallahassee, Tampa area, Canada, Ohio, Alaska, Tiffanyville, yeah it's real cause I said so..
2. Dye your hair: BLACK WITH HOT PINK HIGHLIGHTS!!!
3. Meet one famous person: Jesus and God. No, not you Steven
4. Live with one person the rest of your life: Ant..and me..and myself
5. Name one thing you love: Anthony!...and Curious..and Skittles..hey that's three..oh well, bite me!
6. Name one thing that embarrasses you: um..oh! My sister
7. Do you like school? yeah, but not school work..well yeah, it keeps me awake..
8. Do you like to talk on the telephone? yeah sure..I like to talk online or in person more better though..
9a. Do you have your own line? NO!
9b. Can we have your number? sure..I dont care.. 458-4851
10. Do you like to dance? sure..but not really..
11. Are you scared to ask some one out? um..no, hello I'm TIFFANY!
12. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yeah, when I was two..hehe and when I take a bath..so yeah
13. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah..I dont remember when..there were too many times were I thought that..so yeah..hahaha..no mwhahaa!
14. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? I did..but I upgraded! I sleep with a real kittie! and a real dog!
15. Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? Yes! Our first summer in Jupiter! I jumped into the 3 feet area of the pool, yeah dumb me.. now my right pinky toe is all messed up..been like that for three years..
16. Do you have any piercings? yeah my ears..oOoO I want my nose like Judy! NO!! I wnat my lip on the right side..hehe
17. Do you wear braces? no..not yet..grr mother
18. Do you consider yourself a good listener? yeah.. pshaw, I'm Tiffany
19. Can you swim? I can swim. Can you pick your nose? I bet you cant, at least not in public! haha you so dumb!
20. Do you sing in the shower? actually I do when I get bored..yeah I can get bored in the shower..it's possible..
21. Do you think cheerleading is a sport? sure..
22. Have you ever stolen anything? yes..mwhaha..Steven the sporks!
23. What's on your ceiling? that popcorn stuff..I dunno what's it's called..that stuff..it's um..stuff...it's not nice..
24. What's you worst injury ever? my toe..oh! last year, in ProStart, I cut my thumb soo bad! I have to get FOUR stiches..hehe I took 'em out all by myself. I did that while Dacia was text messaging me..so cool..I kept them..
25. What's the hardest thing about growing up? finding yourself and living with that..and bein happy with it.
26. Do you believe in love at first sight? sure..
27. Have you ever been in love? yes mam..
28. What are you wearing right now? why are you gettin so personal? jeeze, I'm not your slut! or am I?
|
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| she threatens with.."I'll tell mom!" |
[Sunday, January 4th, 2004
@ 12:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Devil Went down to Georgia |
] |
EWWW! I have to play with my sister.. "Organized playtime of hell", brought to you by the Spawn herself (dun dun dunnnnn) GABRIELLE! **run in tears of fear**
|
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| son of a nutcracker! |
[Friday, January 2nd, 2004
@ 7:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
What have you been doing lately? -Relient K |
] |
 Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||||||||||||||| | 79% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||||||||| | 61% | | Type 3 | Ambition | |||||||||||| | 42% | | Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||||||||| | 64% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||| | 60% | | Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||||| | 61% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | Your Conscious-Surface type is 1w9 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 9w8 | Take Free Enneagram Personality Test |
|
| Resolutions.. |
[Thursday, January 1st, 2004
@ 10:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
She Said -Angry Amputees |
] |
no food, stop being so damn lazy at school, get out of the house, save money to get out of the house, find a different job(maybe), fruitloops
|
|
| Target.. |
[Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
@ 9:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Just to get by -Pillar |
] |
OK! I just went shoppin' online at Target with my gift card. It was so hard, but I did it.
Ok I got:
-"Fading out" by Unsung Zeros (awesome band, Cape people need to look 'em up, so awesome! Ask me about the concert I went to, I'll tell you a funny story!!!)
-"Leaving Through The Window" by Something Corporate
-"North" by Something Corporate
-"Then is the New Now" by Denison Marrs (awesome band again!!!)
-"Blueprints for the Black Market" by Anberlin
-"Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard
-"Stunt Monkey" by Stunt Monkey (haha, yay..good band..thanks Marty!)
Yup yup..I did some heavy shopping. Oh yeah..it's New Year's Eve. And tomorrow is 5 months me and Anthony..oh yes..hehe Oh yeah, I want that Pillar cd, no I want all of their cds! Wow, interesting conversation with Anthony and Steven..
hm..Judy, Steven, and I should go the movies this weekend..hehe..oh yes..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
|
|
| New Year's Eve of Hell.. |
[Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
@ 7:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bodies -Drowning Pool |
] |
Steven is drunk and talking to me online. Judy has her nose pierced. I want a tat now. I want one of the star that is on my shoe..madd sexy, I want it on my ankle. Yeah I'm totally getting it. Hmm When September 11th, that's when I am 18..totally getting it!!
I really need to update my site. It's in massive need of updates, and pics..
Hmm shopping online at Target with the card my real dad mailed me.. Oh yes $100 to freak out with on Target..what to get, what to get!?!
|
|
| a day at Quizilla |
[Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
@ 12:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Indivisible -Pillar |
] |
schizotypal
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Heart is Black
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Romans.
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
| Daddy, I miss you.. |
[Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
@ 9:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hurricane -Something Corporate |
] |
Yesterday I got a letter from my birth father in response to the letter I wrote him. I haven't see that man in over seven years. I tell myself everyday that I don't love him like my father, but then I ask myself Why? Why do I cry myself to sleep thinking of him...every night? Why do I have memories of him and my family on his side, and cry over that? Why do feel so empty? Why do I feel the need to move back in the Tampa area, near him? Why can't I just forget him? Why do I shed these tears? Why??
His letter stated that he was sorry. He thanks God everyday for my step-dad (which I do too, but after yesterday I just wish he'd leave, forever). He said he still loves me...as his daughter. Wow, and here I am sitting, for years thinking he doesnt even consider me as his daughter. It's like a load of hate, worry, fear, and great saddness has just been lifted from that one sentence..
I now thank God for him. I do, I truly do. I want to re-establish a relationship with him. Of course I cant, because I'm havin my step-dad adopt me (he's still pissing me off). And then if I did re-establish a relationship with him, then I might go through my "dark days" again..aka feeling like I'm worthless, not wanting to live, then doing something about that feeling. And you know what, he's the one that said, in his letter, that his house is always open to me, for me and him to have a relationship again.
I think I will do this. I will go to his house. I will see my dad, my step-mom, and my sister. I havent seen Spencer in seven years. And then I'll be able to see my grandmama and my grandpa! I miss them so much. And then I could see my most favorite aunt in the world, Aunt Sherri! **tear** I miss them soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
| This dork wuvs Bam too.. |
[Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
@ 2:49pm] |
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Last Words -Thousand Foot Krutch |
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Ok, if I were to pick one person, other then Anthony, to marry it would totally be Bam Margera. Yeah I would..
With that said I might as well go through some of my colleges choices:
PBA (Palm Beach Atlantic)
-it's in West Palm, again to West Palm. I think I could deal with that.
-it's a good school, but in West Palm! so freakin hot..
Southeastern
-in Lakeland, mom went there..hmm
FSU (Florida State)
-in Tallahassee, yay cold weather at times
-dad went there for law school
-um..yay!
SFU (South Florida)
-in Tampa, I think
-my awesome ass cousin wants me to go there
-pretty good school too..
However, if I keep on bein lazy, then I might have to go to a damn community college. OH yeah, I need to watch the mail, the 'rents cant find my report card. It's horrid.
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| Interesting Day.. |
[Monday, December 29th, 2003
@ 9:48pm] |
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Rawkfist -Thousand Foot Krutch |
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Today was the day of the Pond Clean Up at school. Of course no one was there, and me being myself totally freaked. I didn't feel like spending fifty cents to make a call (cause I'm lacking a cellie) so I drove to the library to call Steven. Tisk Tisk, Steven was still asleep. Me, being five minutes from his house, went and picked him up. Again, no one was at school. So we went to Publix and Target near the school to find a phone book. Yeah, there are no phone books in either Publix, nor Target. Therefore I resorted to calling 411 for Komi's phone number. Oh yes, Steven and I get a kick out of harassing Komi..hehe.
Her phone was busy as crap. So we left and decided to go to KFC (11 in the morning). I got mashed potatoes and sweet tea..the true hick in my comes out. KFC has unconsciously became our "hang out" place..haha. After we were done with the horrid food KFC loves to serve the unfortunate souls in the country, Steven and I were off to the library (wasnt I there earlier?). At the library! All we did was go on the computer, madd fun. After the library we went to Steven's house...mmm he has gooood orange juice!
yay!!! The other day I totally got the FM Static and Thousand Foot Krutch cd's, oh yes..hottness. And I got pink hottness converse, and I got this totally awesome "Jesus Christ" shirt..oh yes..hottness again!
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kittyonstrike's journal
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